Basic Guidelines for                
Interpersonal Communication         
 (Onsite and Distance)           

                                                                                        
  Copyright © 2007                        
                                                  Diane Howard, Ph.D.                                                               

Basic effective interpersonal skills include communicating positively, constructively, and respectfully. We need to empathize, "listen," look for common ground, repeat/rephrase what others say, refrain from attacking, and avoid judging. We need to especially work at writing and speaking in clear ways to avoid possible misunderstandings.

Here are basic guidelines for clear, respectful interpersonal communication (in private or professional settings) that guards against potential misinterpretation, confusion, and irritation.

• Use appropriate greetings or salutations.

• Keep calm. (Avoid misuse of capital letters in writing, which is considered "shouting," or "yelling.")

• Choose language carefully.

1. Use informal language in personal correspondence.
2. Use formal language in business correspondence.
3. Use short, concise, clear language and sentences.
4. Simplify messages.
5. Choose words carefully.
6. Include, restate, or paraphrase the sender's language.
7. Break down messages into simple components.
8. Compensate for absence of non-verbal language by adding more adjectives.

• Don't blurt a message impulsively.

1. Use appropriate etiquette.
2. Be careful with what you say in writing and face-to- face.
3. Don't vent emotions.
4. Be careful of what might be offensive to other cultures.
5. Be careful of the tone of messages.
   (a) Don't be so short, concise, or direct that messages sound brusque or rude.
   (b) Use adjectives or adverbs to clarify tone.
   (c) Avoid sarcasm.
6. Refrain from judging or attacking.
7. Communicate with civility.

• Watch for possibilities of misinterpretation.
   
• Confirm, empathize, and sympathize.

1. When disagreeing, try to respect the other's position and look for common ground.
2. "Listen" and pay attention to what a correspondent is saying.
3. Don't "flame" or use aggressive language.
4. Don't attack or criticize.
5. Be gracious and careful in wording and phrasing.

• Consider the correspondent.

1. Analyze how that individual has presented himself/herself.
2. Match a correspondent's level of language and communication behavior.

• Practice civility and utilize good manners.
  
• Do not speak or write that which is not fair, honest, or constructive.
  
• Protect against unsolicited, non-constructive, wasteful, or toxic communication.

1. Avoid opening attachments from unknown sources.
2. Install virus protection software.
3. Keep the anti-virus software updated.
4. Use caller id and do not answer calls from unknown callers.
5. Do not respond to toxic, attacking communication.
6. Notify authorities in the event of illegal or stalking types of communication.

• Protect against from unwanted e-mail by using a spam blocker or blocked senders list.

• Don't send unwanted, unsolicited messages.

1. When it is received, request politely to be removed from the sender's list.
2. Don't forward messages without the understanding or permission of the sender.

• Try to consider various sides of issues.

              1.   Avoid oversimplification.
              2.   Avoid exaggeration.
              3.   Avoid blaming and finger-pointing.
              4.   Give the "benefit of the doubt."
              5.   Practice patient, kind, consideration.
              6.   Ask questions.
              7.   Seek understanding.
              8.   Practice empathy.
              9.   Forgive those who do not agree with you.
              10. Respectfully agree to disagree.
 

• Smiling, when possible, communicates acceptance.

              1.  Communicating without affect contributes to confusion and conflict.
              2.  Avoid negative non-verbal communication.
 

• Be very careful in forwarding messages.

               1.  Make sure that any forwarded message is truthful and accurate. 
               2.   The truth of alarmist e-mails, such as rumors, virus warnings, pleas
                     for help, prayer requests… can be checked out on sites such as
                     TruthOrFiction.com. 

• Use appropriate closings.
  
  
• Place written messages for references in well-organized folders.
  

• Carefully decide when to use e-mail, the telephone, and face-to-face communication.

1. It is sometimes best to follow-up e-mail with telephone communication and/or negotiation.
2. Communication, which needs to take place in real time, should take place face-to-face or
   over the telephone (e-mail is asynchronous).
   

References

Conrad, L. (2002). E-mail Addiction, A 12-Step Recovery Program. Retrieved August 11, 2002 from http://www.nacubo.org/website/members/bomag/1097_conrad.html.

Elam, P. (1997). A neophyte's guide to effective e-mail. WebNovice.com. Retrieved August 11, 2002 from http://www.webnovice.com/email.htm.

Fielden, N. (2001). Internet research. Jefferson: McFarland.

San Diego, G. (2002). The art of writing e-mail. Online Marketing Since 1994. Retrieved August 11, 2002 from http://www.net-market.com/email.htm#salutations.

Dr. Howard's Books

Speak Skillfully and Successfully:
A Guide to Developing Diction
and Voice-Over Excellence

Enhanced by Technology, Not Diminished:
A Practical Guide to Effective, Distance Communication

Autobiographical Writing and Performing:
An Introductory, Contemporary Guide to Process, Research in Speech Performance

  Contact Dr. Howard     

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